Sex is a strong urge to find out something, not only about the body, not only about the other person but about everything that is hidden.
Teresa Wittmann is a yoga teacher and mom. She recently gave a workshop on the topic ‘Yoga for better Sex’. This gave rise to the idea of writing a guest article for us. Teresa goes deeper into her own story about sex and yoga and shares the results of her study. In the end, she described concrete yoga asanas that can have a direct impact on your sex life.
She shares her own view and personal experiences from the perspective of a woman in a heterogeneous relationship. We do not want to exclude anyone with this.
Enjoy reading this article!
How we use yoga to listen better to our own desires
First, let me say that this post is not specifically about having “better sex” – what does good sex even mean? It’s about a woman taking what she wants and learning to feel her body with all its facets more intensively. Yoga and sex can thus go hand in hand. The problem with us women and our sexuality is that we often don’t allow ourselves to focus on ourselves and our needs because we don’t want to be selfish, and we focus too often and too much on the needs of our partner. We have sex even though we don’t feel like it and often do things even though we don’t want to, which results in a general unwillingness and inertia and we no longer feel sex as uninhibited, free, and beautiful, as it should be.
But why do we put our partner’s needs above our own? We do this because we have learned that sex is about a man getting ‘his money’s worth’. That we as women have the task to make our men happy, in every way. Through the porn world, we have also been given a false image of sex. We were shaped to put on a show instead of dealing with ourselves. Instead, it looks quite different in real sex life. Man is happy and even more so when the woman is happy too. Have fun and enjoy yourselves. It might also result in more sex.
What men want
In my own study that I created especially for this post, 47 men participated. How do yoga and sex go together? 90% of men define good sex when both get their money’s worth, they can see and feel the woman’s pleasure and the woman really enjoys it. Many even stated that it excites them, even more, when the woman can really enjoy sex and she shows her desire clearly. The image of the man who has sex just to have his own fun is outdated and definitely does not correspond to the man of today. Many clichés around the desire of the man are simply no longer true, and yet many women still have these images in their heads –man must be happy, then I am too!
Men even like it and find it insanely attractive when a woman knows exactly what she wants and communicates it clearly. All men except one want their wife/partner to satisfy herself when the husband/partner is not around. Simply because they stand on the fact that we have fun with our desire and know exactly what we want. When we satisfy ourselves we suggest to men: I am in the mood. So don’t feel bad but really good about that. You may touch yourself and give yourself nice feelings, connect to yourself and love yourself. You are not cheating on your partner. On the contrary, it’s even attractive and to be encouraged. When asked what men would like more from their current partner, 80% of men indicated more openness. For me, it was also an exciting experience, especially since the men that participated answered so similarly, and the answers often differed only minimally. Simply put, men want to encourage us to have fun, engage with ourselves, be spontaneous and be more open about our needs.
To come back to us and to our needs
A little tale about this from my own sexual journey of discovery. I was always crazy about the ropes in the gym as a kid and always loved climbing up. Not only because I loved climbing, of course, but mainly because I loved massaging myself with the ropes and it just gave me nice feelings. I didn’t talk about it with anyone, because it was clear to me. I am doing something forbidden, it is not proper.
It was already clear to me as a child that this area was shameful and that one should not talk about it. I don’t come from an arch-Catholic family, but I wasn’t really enlightened either. My mom never showed me what I actually have there, explained the individual parts of my vulva and especially what I can do with it all great. That was just the sheath. Not more. That our sheath consists of so many individual parts. From labia minora and labia majora, vaginal opening, cervix and clitoris. And she didn’t tell me that our clitoris consists of 8000 nerves, which alone serve to give us beautiful feelings, pleasure, and orgasms. How beautiful!
I would like to inspire
Instead, I’ve been carrying this secret around with me for 30 years and now I’m starting to talk about it to inspire other women to open up as well. When we open up, we loosen a switch, we can talk more about what we want, what we have experienced, and how it has shaped us in some way. Positive but also negative in many ways. That I had my first orgasm at the age of 6 I was not aware at that time. From an early age, I have learned to get what I want. I’ve been quietly working it out with myself, but I’ve learned. But when I suddenly had a man in front of me who brings his own needs, I did not know to what extent I can and may still live out my own needs. And I can’t say that I learned it either. I’m learning it right now. Better said – I finally allow myself to find out.
And yes, we are allowed to talk about it too!
Many may be wondering right now. All is well and good, but what are my actual needs? If you can’t answer this question clearly that’s perfectly fine. Not everyone is concerned with their sexuality. Not everyone talks about it. Because it is still a very shameful topic and people do not give themselves and their sexual needs any space. It is also a matter of first going on a search. Figuring out what you like, what you don’t like at all. What have I always wanted to try, what place during sex? What turned me on from previous movies, and books? What tools could help me with this?
I recommend here also the app Femntasy, (advertising unpaid) if someone does not know it yet! A wonderful platform that offers erotic stories in an acoustic format. The beauty of this is your focus on yourself and your own fantasy, not the one a porn performer gives you. Where are my inhibitions still? Where are my blocks? Have I perhaps suffered trauma before? A trauma also in the sense – to have said yes at some point, although one actually wanted to say no.
Nevertheless. I am firmly convinced that if we get more into our body again if we learn to feel ourselves more (especially after pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding) if we learn to use our body more (e.g. through specific yoga asanas) if we learn to turn off our head again, we also react more sensitively to the touches of ourselves and our partner.
Sex becomes freer, more relaxed and we also want more again
We do not think about tomorrow, not about yesterday, we enjoy the moment. And sex has above all many positive side effects, physically but also psychologically:
It’s also not always about that one climax, about getting to the finish line quickly. The journey is the reward. It is a wonderful feeling to touch the naked body of the other to explore, to enjoy the moment, and feel closeness and warmth. Sex is not always the sole in and out – orgasm man – orgasm woman – done!!! How about we title sex as making love again.
MAKE – LOVE! And thus take the pressure off us that everything has to work.
Yoga can help you. Not only physically, but also mentally!
There are specific exercises that can be integrated well into the yoga practice but can also be wonderfully implemented in everyday life to bring more activity into our vulva. When we can tense our muscles better, our surrounding nerves are stimulated more – thus we are more excited and can feel touches, etc. even more intensely. In short, the sex becomes more intense. Men also benefit from this. On the one hand, because we feel more fun during sex due to more intense sensations, but also because we reduce the size of the vagina and thus feel more. So it can happen that your partner is initially overwhelmed with the tightness when you learn to use your pelvis more specifically and comes too quickly to orgasm, but he will also get used to it.
The Journal of Sexual Medicine found in this study that women who practice yoga on average have a higher desire for sex and experience better orgasms. So yoga and sex work in parallel.
Harvard Medical School also conducted a study on this topic with 40 women aged 22 to 55. Researchers have found that yoga has a positive impact on sex in these 6 quadrants
- Pain reduction
- Overall satisfaction
Nearly 75% of women have reported being more satisfied with their sex lives as a result of yoga. On the physical level, there is more endurance and strength. The hormone balance is also brought into equilibrium. This is done by removing blockages and stress in the mind that negatively affect libido. And a nice side effect is of course the increased flexibility of the body, especially in the intimate area, which definitely can not hurt during sex.
So yoga alone is the best thing you can do to have better sex, but there are also specific asanas that bring more activity to our hips.
Yoga and Sex
Everyone knows the cobra, as it is a valuable part of the classic sun salutation. Normally, we lie down on our stomachs and raise our upper body before returning to the Downward Looking Dog. However, you can also wonderfully incorporate a pelvic activity by pushing the pelvis forward and thus the force does not come from the lower back, but from our vulva. In the beginning a bit unfamiliar, but after a few times of practice, it should become second nature.
You can also use the shoulder bridge wonderfully to activate the muscles of the pelvis by incorporating the pelvic swing.
Ideally, you also allow yourself to place your palms on your vulva here to better feel the movement of the pelvis. And if you are alone you may also combine that with some masturbation.
For this, rock your pelvis upwards with each inhalation and activate your muscles at the same time.
Hold your breath for a moment and activate a bit more, as if you were trying to hold something between you. (A finger inside you shows you how much you are activating)
Exhale and consciously let your pelvis go and relax.
Repeat the process as long as it works for you. In the beginning, it can be a bit exhausting and you realize that you can’t do it anymore, then be patient. Just practice daily and do a few more reps each time.
In the arc, we can also wonderfully activate our pelvis. See here that you take out the lower back activity, and instead direct the activity to your pelvis. If you now feel a small tingling in your pubic bone, you know that you are active, because your clitoris is now very close to the ground and is thus aroused. For a relaxed yin version of the exercise, you can rest your upper belly on a bolster.
Pigeon (Yin Yoga)
The pigeon is a wonderful exercise that I would practice in yin yoga style.
Put a bolster under your knee. Flex your foot and lay down relaxed for about 2-3 minutes. The stretch can be very intense at first but will become easier after a few breaths. You can rest your head on a yoga block.
Through the intense stretch in the pigeon, you’ll bring more width and suppleness to your hip area.
A wonderfully relaxed asana that brings wideness, opening and us a letting go.
We can consciously practice letting go here and feel free. Tension also involves consciously letting go. When we focus too much on activating we forget about letting go, which is also important in sex.
The eye of the needle also brings stretch and width to our hip area. Similar effect to the dove, except that here we are lying on our backs.
And outside of your yoga practice….
you can also do a lot for the muscles on your pelvic floor.
- For example, just activate your vulva while cutting cucumbers.
- Roll the pelvis forward here. Activate it and consciously drop it again.
- Consciously squat down when you pick something up instead of bending over, this activates your muscles in the pelvic floor, and at the same time does not put unnecessary strain on your back. Win-Win Situation.
- Work with a yoni egg.
Here you can see how active you are and you will also be reminded to activate your vulva in everyday life. If you let go, the egg slides down. If you tighten it, it stays in. You can also supplement your regular yoga practice with the use of the Yoni Ice, which leads to a conscious strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles. Half an hour of yoga with an egg is much more effective than wearing one all day. If you are a beginner in practising with the Yoni Egg, use it in the beginning only in some relaxing asanas like the Reclining Banana, the Dead Position or Supta Baddha Konasana (Butterfly). At Michaela Hering you can learn more about the various benefits of the Yoni Ice and if necessary order it directly (Unpaid ad)
Briefly. So allow yourself to deal with yourself, your desire, your needs and your sexuality, then you will eventually find out what is good sex for you and feel more pleasure and ease again. Talk about it, openly and honestly. Yoga but also meditation will be of great help to you.
We thank Teresa for this beautiful and valuable contribution! She practices on the rather light hejhej-mat. We can also highly recommend the hejhej-bloster and hejhej-block for the yoga practice described.
Source: Book Pussy Yoga – Coco Berlin